So my plan has been, for the past year or so, to get my bachelor's in May 2011, my master's two years later, and go work for USAID (or some other such larger organization that is impressed by master's degrees).
Here's the thing: I don't actually want to do that.
It's just a plan - something that has logical steps and leads to a place where I think I should end up: job, security, etc. Said job also has the benefit of being in the field in which I'm interested: international development. I want to help equalize things.
Anyway.
This plan is not necessarily how I want things to go - it's just a way for things to go. The bit with the master's degree was only included because USAID requires one.
[Leave out for a moment that a simple Google search can tell you something about USAID: There are 903,000 page results for "USAID criticism" and 414,000 for "USAID praise." Admittedly, it's easier to criticize than praise, but still.]
Will a master's degree actually help, beyond employment at USAID (or an equivalent)? Will it teach me useful things, in a field where nearly everyone says that everyone else is going about it the wrong way? I don't know, but I don't think so. It will teach me one of the ways - if it did anything besides that, the program would be world-renowned for being so amazingly useful.
So the real questions are:
1) What will teach me the things I want to know?
2) What are the things I want to know?
3) What will I do with the things I want to know?
And the real answers are (my, I became a know-it-all pretty quick, huh?):
1) Experience, on the ground, in areas where I wish to work, and learning from personal accounts of other people's experiences on the ground in various areas around the world. (i.e., if it works in Kabul or Karachi, it might be applicable in other places.)
2) I want to know how to encourage mass social change in places that need it. Given my (limited) experience there (and the French), I'll probably focus on Francophone Africa. This could be related to education, health, economics, good governance, etc.
3) I will... uhh... at this point I don't think I can say, can I? I need to know what the things are before I know them (not to get too circular). However, if I may indulge, given the hugely successful CAI, the huge impact it can have, and the huge amount of data supporting its importance, I imagine I'll focus on educating young girls. Again, this is based only on my experience and reading so far. More of #1 is still needed.
So what does this mean for the plan? It means that the plan is flawed.
Grad school may not be the answer. As I'm thinking right now, it isn't the answer. I don't want to jump to conclusions (I never do that, right?), so I'll carry on with the grad school plan for a bit. But I want to give this serious thought.
If we take the first part of #1 seriously, it leads me to this conclusion: Peace Corps. Yes yes, I know, the first time around didn't exactly end well, but that's how it goes. Sometimes you have to, you know, saddle metaphor, sports analogy, military comparison, etc., etc.
My main reason for leaving was of course my mental instability, right? I get sad for no reason, etc. Well, that doesn't seem to be improving any, does it? And I'm living a pretty comfortable life here in the land of milk and honey. This tells me that my depression will follow me wherever I am. ERGO, I have no reason to hide from Africa anymore. A logical progression of facts leading to a conclusion - love those.
So, while continuing to explore the grad school option (and I must now think of it only as an option), I am also going to explore the possibility of returning to Peace Corps after finishing my undergrad work. That is the conclusion to which I have led myself. I feel like this is reasoned and mostly neutral (as neutral as one can be about oneself). If you disagree, please let me know.
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