The Complete and Unabridged Reasoning for Rejoining Peace Corps

Why do I want to join Peace Corps again?

I’ve heard this question again and again, from a lot of people.  Surprised, worried, confused, they are concerned about me; and they don’t understand.  So I thought I’d lay it all out here: The Complete and Unabridged Reasoning for Rejoining Peace Corps.

There are three principle reasons.  All of them are simple and straightforward, yet at the same time each has many layers, and is more than it seems on the surface.  I’ll deal with them one at a time.  Presented in no particular order:

Reason #1: I want to learn.

I want to spend the rest of my life working in international development.  Sometime in the last few years, I discovered a purpose – something I am passionate about.  I always thought it was going to be U.S. politics, but it’s not.  I want to spend my career “evening the scales,” so to speak.

But before I can start my career, I need to learn more.  The first plan was grad school (scroll down a few weeks; you’ll see it), but the more I looked into it, the less I wanted to go.  International development is a field where everyone is convinced that everyone else is doing it wrong.

“Improving infrastructure is the most important thing,” says one group.

“But how can we improve the infrastructure when the government is corrupt?” says another.  “The first step must be to increase good governance.”

“An uneducated populace can’t run a country – education is top priority!” says a third.

“But children can’t learn when they’re sick! Improving health practices has to be first!” says yet another.

“You can’t have a healthy people without a healthy diet.  Agricultural improvements must be made,” says another.

And so on.

If I were to go to grad school, I would learn a way.  Any school I went to would have some philosophical bent to their teaching, which clearly isn’t working, because all the problems are still there!  They’re even getting worse in some places.  Where I was before, for instance, in Guinea, average income has stayed the same, but fallen relative to the rest of the region and the world.  So the current methods aren’t working.

So my approach to learning and forming my own ideas has two prongs: reading and Peace Corps.  I’ve begun reading every book I can find on Africa.  I’ve started with personal accounts – autobiographical when possible – of life and struggle around the continent.  After those, I’ll read about current development concepts and philosophies to find out what’s already been tried or thought of.  Lots and lots of reading.  From this, I’ll make my own opinions.

The second prong is Peace Corps.  Reading books will never tell me all I need to know.  I need to get myself on the ground, and live the life of someone in a developing country (or as close I can safely get, that is).  Learning from my own experience about how life is, attitudes, preconceptions, misconceptions, and putting a human face on the problem will help me immensely.

Reason #2: I want to help.

This is the same reason I used when I went into Peace Corps the first time, and it has not changed.  It’s the reason I want to go into international development in the first place.  Peace Corps itself can do good.  It’s possible not to – through no fault of their own, some volunteers will be neither harmful nor helpful, simply living in a community and only fulfilling the cultural exchange goals of Peace Corps.  But it is also possible to accomplish a great deal.

It’s possible, that even after a career in international development; I will have only accomplished anything worthwhile during my two years in Peace Corps.  I don’t think that in a world of almost seven billion people, anyone can expect to change the world.  But it is absolutely possible to positively and significantly affect the lives of a small group of people.  If I only wind up helping one family, or a few small businesses, or even a small village, it will be something, and worthwhile.

So I want to help.  I think and feel that there is a moral obligation to help those who have been economically, politically, socially, and even personally subjugated for an unthinkable length of time, particularly when the blame for many of the conditions of these areas can be laid squarely at our feet.  People wonder why Africa, South America and Southeast Asia struggle so much.  It is no accident of geology or climate, nor is it the result of lazy or corrupt people.  No, it all comes back to the European (that’s you, Whitey) peoples’ oppression of the Global South.  Colonialism and neocolonialism have decimated these areas.  It’s our fault, and we have to fix it.

My third reason is more personal.

I failed the first time, I really did.  In a long series of quitting things, it was one of the worst.  In just over two years, I quit a relationship, a job, another job, Peace Corps, and another relationship.  In the past, I quit things for good reasons, though not without regret: I dropped out of college the first time because I couldn’t handle it then; I quit Chess Club in high school (yeah, yeah, Chess Club, I know I'm a nerd) because I wasn’t that good at it, and it wasn’t any fun.  But these other things didn’t have those logical reasons: they were made from fear, or from depression.

So it’s personal, too.  I have to do this, or I’ll just have to add Peace Corps to my list of unresolved regrets.  I want to change this feeling in me – this regret.  My best friend described it as “macho bullshit,” and maybe he’s right.  That might be a part of it, but those other reasons aren’t just filler.  There is absolutely a personal aspect to it, but there was the first time, too.  There is for anyone joining Peace Corps or any other organization.

So those are my reasons, in full.  If you have any questions, let me know.

Now, the other issue people are concerned about is my mental health.  First, Guinea did not give me these problems; it exacerbated them.  It’s a stressful environment, and not the place you want to try to work out issues of depression and anxiety.  The good news is that I’ve started therapy, and I have high hopes for it.  Over the next nine months, I hope to make some good progress, and set myself up to be better equipped to handle the stresses of Peace Corps.

Also, I know what to expect, to some extent.  A lot of the stress comes from a fear of the unknown, and I now have some idea of what’s coming.  Of course, the odds of being sent back to Guinea are pretty astronomical, but the general idea is there.

Now, I don’t know if Peace Corps is even going to accept me.  First, they like to give people who haven’t already experienced it a chance to do so.  Secondly, they don’t readily accept people who have ET’d (Early Terminated) back into the ranks, so to speak.

Okay, holy hell, that was a long one: 1,216 words!  That’s enough for now.  I hope that answers your questions (if you had them in the first place).  If not, let me know! Thanks.